[BrainSmashR]

Originally Posted by Texasbelle

I do want to answer Brain's question about discipline. I don't really have to spank at my house. I have had to when my two oldest were younger but it wasn't often and was never a beating.

Alec's daughter is 11. Still young enough for spanking to be effective, except, she doesn't live with her Dad.

Discipline is just as Sheba says it should involve teaching. There should be a consequence to the negative behavior and also a good. With my twelve year old discipline often just simply involves a conversation and he gets it immediately.

If I understand the situation correctly, the daughter wasn't there to receive a planned phone call from her father. Now I don't claim to know the circumstances surrounding her missed appointment, but how is Alec to have a conversation with his if he can't even get in touch with her AND his ex may be a large contributing factor in the problem just like she is in your life.

He's just that kind of child. My eighteen year old has to lose the car, lose the cell phone, and be threatened with the death penalty before he learns. He's that kind of child. Their sister kind of falls more in the middle. We give a consequence to the negative and then reward them with an "Atta boy or girl" when they've done what we've asked. They are never 'bought' which is a problem I often see in homes today. Now for my step son there is no discipline. He can even come here and do something and there is no discipline. You can say something to him, but he doesn't care because at the end of the day he'll just be going home. He's smashed literally a $1,500 laptop we gave him for Christmas. His mother knew and helped hide the fact until we pressed really hard about the whereabouts of the laptop. Finally he told me what he did to it but has yet to apologize to his father, he was never disciplined by his mother and to me it happened at her house she should be the one, and he truly sees nothing wrong with what he did. It's hard at best to discipline a child who has two homes. It could be done though under good circumstances.

The key to disciplining your children is a calm head and logic.

So basically you've done nothing to this child for destroying a $1,500 computer?

You know there is a difference between spanking a child and whipping his ass. Maybe you guys should consider trying the latter......because despite your best intentions, what the child IS learning is that there aren't any significant consequences at Dad's house for anything he does. Consequently, I bet his behavior has gotten progressively worse, right? Started with breaking curfew, maybe talking back, now we're destroying $1,500 computers with no obvious signs of remorse or even an apology.