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Old 08-24-2007, 11:02 AM   #16
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well tonight i'm going to have one to many magic beers, TGIF!!!! i have a friend who sends me a joke everyday so if they are funny and appropriate then i will post them!
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Old 08-24-2007, 11:17 AM   #17
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well tonight i'm going to have one to many magic beers, TGIF!!!! i have a friend who sends me a joke everyday so if they are funny and appropriate then i will post them!
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Old 08-25-2007, 08:41 AM   #18
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TEN TIMES NORMAL SIZE

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, 'Which
human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?'

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, 'You should not
be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my
parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!'


Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, 'Which body part

increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?'

Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her,

'Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!'

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, 'Anybody?'

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, 'The body
part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the
eye.'

Mrs. Parks said, 'Very good, Billy,' then turned to Mary and
continued. 'As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework
And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.'
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Mat 7:14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
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Old 08-28-2007, 10:52 AM   #19
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Hot Dogs

Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York. Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long; the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockettes, and others. Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: "HOT DOGS," with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one. So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana. The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up. He then turns to his brother and says, "What part of the dog did you get?"
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Old 08-28-2007, 10:54 AM   #20
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Mother Nature

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups. Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband "Hey, where's your ball?" "It's over here in the pussy willows." The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"
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Old 08-30-2007, 10:46 AM   #21
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" He said you're going to die," she replied.
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Old 08-30-2007, 02:10 PM   #22
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" He said you're going to die," she replied.
Good one LSU!
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Old 08-30-2007, 03:19 PM   #23
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" He said you're going to die," she replied.
HEY LSU !! What your eyes so very tight for and what you have in your hemostats grasshopper ?
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Old 08-30-2007, 07:43 PM   #24
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A man walked into a bar and ordered a beer.
He carried it into the men's room and proceded to pour it into a urinal.
Another man standing at another urinal turned and said to him,
"What did you do that for, that looked like a perfectly good beer."
The first man said, "It probably was, but I'm tired of being the middle man."


Throughout modern history, many of the worlds problems were hashed out in coffee and tea houses. I think our founding fathers did it one better, they met at the pub.

Cheers
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