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Old 09-10-2007, 11:36 AM   #1
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Dog in Heat

"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" a little girl asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat," replied the mother. "What does that mean?" asked the child. Embarrassed and not wanting to get into a biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother said, "Oh, just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fifi for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Fifi was in heat, and that I had to come talk to you." Not wanting to have the biological discussion either, the father said, "Bring Fifi over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it. "Okay, now you can go for a walk but keep Fifi on the leash and you can only go around the block once."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. "Where is Fifi?" her father asked. "She should be here in a minute," advised the daughter. "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."
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Old 09-10-2007, 11:46 AM   #2
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10th marriage

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 9 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".



"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"



"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.



"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.



"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.



" Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.



"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.



"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.



"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.



"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.



"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.



" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".



"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?



"You're with the "GOVERNMENT"...

This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."
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Old 09-18-2007, 01:26 PM   #3
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A man joins the church


A crusty old man walks into the local First Baptist Church and says
to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, dammit. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."

The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to her office, and the pastor asks the old geezer,
"Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.. "

"I see," said the pastor. "And is this ***** giving you a hard time?"
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Old 09-18-2007, 01:40 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LSU View Post
A man joins the church
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this ***** giving you a hard time?"
That is messed up!
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Old 09-19-2007, 07:14 AM   #5
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