so i'm waiting

[Al Swearengen]

Well, ok, nothing is EVER 100% under our control...but consider this...if you've been married more than once (many of us have, including myself), you've probably come to the conclusion that you KNEW your ex was a bad choice from the getgo, but you married him/her anyway. This was my own personal experience..I settled, for one reason or another. But what if you had delayed engaging in an intimate relationship and having children until you knew in your heart of hearts that you had found the right person for you? The kind of marriage that only death could end. So, there you are, married to your soulmate, and you and said soulmate have children. Those children will grow up in a home with two parents that love each other, so they'll be well-adjusted. Sounds like the makings of a functional fam to me. The alternative is, you get married for all the wrong reasons, have children, get divorced, now your kids have problems, and both parents most likely re-marry and end up in blended families (which we all KNOW are problematic even under the best of circumstances).

[geodood]

A dysfunctional home is one that has run out of fresh roasted coffee.....
A Happy Home is one with lots of Japanese Maples in the yard.....

[momrules]

Originally Posted by Al Swearengen

Well, ok, nothing is EVER 100% under our control...but consider this...if you've been married more than once (many of us have, including myself), you've probably come to the conclusion that you KNEW your ex was a bad choice from the getgo, but you married him/her anyway. This was my own personal experience..I settled, for one reason or another. But what if you had delayed engaging in an intimate relationship and having children until you knew in your heart of hearts that you had found the right person for you? The kind of marriage that only death could end. So, there you are, married to your soulmate, and you and said soulmate have children. Those children will grow up in a home with two parents that love each other, so they'll be well-adjusted. Sounds like the makings of a functional fam to me. The alternative is, you get married for all the wrong reasons, have children, get divorced, now your kids have problems, and both parents most likely re-marry and end up in blended families (which we all KNOW are problematic even under the best of circumstances).

What you seem to be describing is the "Cameron Syndrome" as described by Ferris Bueller. Ferris feared that Cameron would marry the first girl who he had an intimate relationship with because she would be the "end all of human existence". Sadly is seems rare when a young couple gets married for the right reasons, because what we may shop for in a person often changes between 18 and 30 years of age. There is nothing quite like having children to change one’s perspective on relationships and life in general.

[Al Swearengen]

Momrules:

What you seem to be describing is the "Cameron Syndrome" as described by Ferris Bueller

I didn't know they had a name for it..I thought it was just called "keep your pants on and grow up a little before you take those vows and start propogating the species..."

[momrules]

Originally Posted by Al Swearengen

I didn't know they had a name for it..I thought it was just called "keep your pants on and grow up a little before you take those vows and start propogating the species..."

You got it. But Ferris says it in a way that is so pointed. Plus, he is so cute!

[Isaac-Saxxon]

I have been married for 23 years with three daughters that have there
problems but over all are good kids. I have found that keeping "Christ"
in our conversation and reading the Bible works great. It is work to keep
the family on right path. The Word is like Manna you must keep going to
it and read it to have all the blessings from God. I took my vows to my
wife in a Christian ceremony and I pray every day for my children and
my wife (soul mate) and we have ruff times but still going strong and
the children still doing the same. Religion and church are not the same
as reading the Word and praying. This is free and works great !
God Bless
Isaac-Saxxon

[Isaac-Saxxon]

Originally Posted by kansast

Up stairs the band was playin' and the singer was singin' somethin' about going home.. LOL well the guy singin' something about going home, would probably be "Southside Johnny" of Southside Johnny & the Asbury Jukes singing "I don't wanna go home" a song written by Bruce Springsteen.. the line "upstairs the band was playin...." is from a Bruce Springsteen song called "Incident On 57th Street"

Now you know the 'rest of the story'

Telling us a little bit about how old you are there KT. The "Boss" went
down by the river ... Outside of politics we dont here from Bruce much
I guess he has not released any new music ? Still sounds like a line from
a Far Side joke ?
Thanks Isaac-Saxxon

[kansast]

Originally Posted by Isaac-Saxxon

Telling us a little bit about how old you are there KT. The "Boss" went
down by the river ... Outside of politics we dont here from Bruce much
I guess he has not released any new music ?

Well, you would be seriously mistaken there. Springsteen was about the only artist to release an album as a direct response to 9-11 with the "The Rising", and sold out shows across the globe and here in the states, then released a solo Album a couple of years later "Devils and Dust" followed by a world tour. And most recently released an incredibly re-working of classic folk music, and opened that tour up at the New Orleans Jazz Fest, with an absolutely incredible show.

Am I gettin' old.. yea :-) is Bruce gettin' old, yea he is. If you haven't heard anything from Bruce in awhile, it's because of the sad state of affairs that is current Radio in this town and across the country. Same can be said for many successful artists, who still put out albums and still tour to sell out crowds, but be damned if you EVER hear them on the radio anymore.

[Cadenza]

Originally Posted by momrules

Nobody consciously chooses a dysfunctional family. But a person may choose to live in a dysfunctional family and become part of that dysfunction. Our choices are often affected by our parents choices, and how we were raised. Therefore it is very important that parents be good role models for our children.

In my case my very functional family of origin was the reason I stayed in a dysfunctional marriage for almost 20 years. I believed that if I just put enough love and effort into it, it would eventually work. I aspired to a wonderful marriage like my parents and grandparents modeled to me and I didn't think divorce was an option. So I stubbornly kept trying to make things work all by myself. Now I would advise any friend to run don't walk away from a spouse who is an addict or cheats. They can recover, but it is rare and usually it only gets worse. Then you find yourself getting out of a much bigger disaster at 50 when you should have started over at 30. To be trite, it takes two to tango and you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

And better late than never! Sometimes it is hard to do it all, but I was doing it all anyway. Now I am happy and doing it all. The end of my long marriage was the beginning of a much more fulfilling life. Some things just aren't worth saving.